You Need to Know Things

A moment exists that stays seared forever in the fabric of my evolution. I was dating a true titan of industry. We were at dinner one night and he asked me, “What is the name for the period of time around the turn of the last century?” I kind of didn’t know what direction he wanted me to go. The Gilded Age? Progressive Era? How about Belle Époque?! I was a little thrown back on my three-inch heels. So I said, “I don’t know.” Meaning… what do you even mean with this question? His response? “You need to know things.”

You need to know things?! What I didn’t say in the moment, although the version of me today would have, and what I later rehearsed in my mind for days while curling my hair, driving to work, cleaning the kitchen, and folding the laundry, was… I do know things. I just don’t know the same things as you know.

He was a generation older than me, had never married or had kids, and ran a real estate empire. While I would say he was extremely philanthropic and gave of his time and resources generously, he had no idea what it meant to birth and raise four children. He knew history and politics and real estate. But do you know how to tend to one child when the other two are melting down? Do you know how to still operate the next day when your newborn has kept you up all night? Do you know how to physically drive four different children to four different practice locations at the same time? I have no team. Do you know how to parent with logical consequence while tending to a child’s emotional, physical, educational, and social needs? Oh wait, and multiply that by FOUR?! How about coming up with new and interesting breakfast, lunch, and dinner ideas to feed and grow a family of six? What about hosting a dinner party for twelve in an environment that supports meaningful conversation, while also serving creative food that is excellent? Or creating a meaningful Christmas on a limited budget? Should we dive into launching a moms group that brought in expert keynotes on information that truly supported women in this phase of life?

How about those things, Mr. Real Estate Mogul?

I was so pissed. In the moment, he had made me feel so small. The comment was so condescending. And in the end, it was a confusing question that could have been answered in a myriad of ways. Like… what direction do you want to go with this?

With all of that said, I knew he was right. And if I was gonna make it, I needed to learn, and learn fast. I knew nothing about business. And I was severely lacking in my knowledge of history, global politics, architecture… I could go on. The reality was, for a season of time, I had been so deep in motherhood and homemaking life that my world had become very small. I had become an expert in the skills I needed to excel in my immediate world, while the rest of the world continued operating out there, without my attention. And listen, I am okay with this. More than okay. Mothers and homemakers are the quiet workforce that holds the glue of society together. We have a vital and important role. Many of them in recent years have also taken on the role of educator, which I think is fantastic. No one knows your child like you do.

In the years since that comment, my “knowing” has broadened significantly. Some of it is the result of my own choice to expand, and some of it is the result of life’s great orchestrator shepherding me into that expansion.

There are seasons. Chapters of life. There was never anything wrong with what I knew. I wasn’t behind. I wasn’t less than. I was exactly where I needed to be, becoming an expert in the life I was living. And now, I am becoming an expert in a new one.